may: persevere through the crazy

Last time I posted about this, I said I was going to take three weeks to regroup and focus on doing all of my past weeks' challenges well.

I am failing.

Miserably.

I feel like everything is going to literally fall apart some days.

Example: 
One day this week, Christian and I switched cars so that he could run to Home Depot after work and buy some wood to fix our fence.

I jumped in the driver seat of his car, which I am not used to driving (and which doesn't have a backup sensor), whipped it into reverse and slammed directly into the trash can that our kind neighbor had  brought up our driveway.

He was standing there and witnessed the whole thing.

Embarrassing.

More embarrassing?

I had hooked up my hands-free breast pump while I was still in the garage.

Not only did my neighbor see me hit the trash can but now he was wondering why I was unhooking things from under my shirt in order to get out of the car.

I was already running 10 minutes behind schedule.

I didn't have time for this.

I picked up the trash can,  put it in the garage, waved at the neighbor, checked the car for damage, and took a big sigh of relief because there was none.

I got to my mom's to drop off Henry.

She was not there.

I checked my phone, (which was in the backseat on silent) and saw the eight missed calls from my mom and Christian. 
My mom had called to ask what I want from Starbucks and to tell me that she would meet me at school because she knows that saves me 10 minutes and she is wonderful and caring and I don't deserve her at all.

I pulled out of her driveway and headed toward school while I called her back to tell her that I was on my way.

She said that she got worried that I might have forgotten my phone (she knows me well) so she was already on her way back to her house.

I threw the car in reverse, (this time checking behind me).

At that point, I was 15 minutes late for work.

I pulled back into her driveway.

She arrived not far behind me.

She placed the Starbucks she had so kindly purchased me on the center console because there was already a cup in the cup holder.

I explained a few of the things in Henry's bag.

She took him.

I jumped in the car and...

yep, you guessed it...

that vanilla latte went flying through the air and all over the center console.

My mom ran inside and grabbed three towels.

We did our best to blot it up.

Now, I was 20 minutes late for work.

I have 50 minutes of prep before my students arrive so it's not like there were kindergarteners in the room waiting for me, but I need that prep time.

Ten minutes until the bell rang, Christian called.

I had taken his computer and wallet with the car.

I really wanted to lay down on the floor and cry right then and there.
I told him my students would be there in ten minutes and that there was nothing I could do.

So, he drove the 25 minutes to my school (in the opposite direction of where he works).

He called my cell phone when he arrived, (which happened to be right in the middle of a lesson and approximately 10 seconds after a parent volunteer walked into my classroom).

I looked real professional.

I said to the kids, "Mr. Jansen needs something from my car," and I went to the window with my keys, waved at Christian and unlocked it.

I continued on with my lesson.

Five seconds later, my phone rang again.

I silenced it and in my head thought, "Really, honey? I can't chat right now."

It rang again.

And again.

"Buzz...buzz..."

I rushed to finish my last few sentences and released my students to their stations.

I ran to my classroom phone to call him back.

At least using the classroom phone looks a little more professional, right?

He said, "I wasn't thinking and after I grabbed my computer, I locked the doors but I still needed my wallet."

I say, "Okay, I'll unlock it now."

He said, "Too late.  I am going to be late for a meeting already.  I had to leave."

At first, I thought, 'So, he doesn't have his wallet.  It's not that big of a deal.'

Then I remembered the whole reason we switched cars in the first place: so that he could go to Home Depot.
He won't be able to buy anything at Home Depot without a wallet.

After work, I picked up Henry and drove the 45 minutes to Christian's office to deliver the wallet.

So much for regrouping.

That's what most days feel like lately.
Things were going really well for a while there but now I feel as though I have hit a wall.

I want to get more sleep, wake up on time, stay organized, take a Sabbath, and in turn be less forgetful, rushed and frantic but I am failing on all fronts.

 

I have realized that some things are just out of my control. 

Last week, Henry caught a nasty virus and was up crying for several hours three nights in a row (all while Christian was traveling for work).

He hasn't been sleeping normally ever since.

So, despite my best efforts, I am back to being completely sleep deprived. 

Also, It's the end of the school year. 

Anyone who is a teacher can sympathize with how crazy the end of the year gets.

There is so much assessment, which reminds you of all of the things you want to try to pack in and teach, but you feel like you don't have time because you have to assess instead.

When the End of the Year Checklist handout comes around at the April staff meeting, my heart starts racing...

Supply orders, book orders, book inventories, principal evaluation, meeting with the principal to review her evaluation of you, summer maintenance request forms, assessment data due dates, parent conferences, tear down of your classroom for summer cleaning, filling out placement forms for each of your students...

Even if I can remember to write everything down or even if I can manage to stay completely organized, it's still going to feel overwhelming and chaotic.

And sometimes, no amount of careful planning and organization can prepare you for what your day will really look like.
Last night, Christian and I wrote out a schedule for today so that we could try to accomplish as much as possible before a cookout with some friends who are in from out of town.

But then, our neighbor backed into Christian's car...
(Now he and I are even on embarrassing moments.
Do you think he had it out for that car?)
 ...and then tractor pooped out while he was in the middle of mowing the lawn.
Christian got nothing done on his to do list because he was too busy trying to fix our broken motorized belongings.
That meant that I got very little done on my to do list because Christian was out finding tractor parts during Henry's nap, (the time when I was scheduled to run errands).

Sometimes, our carefully laid plans just don't work out.

These are the times I have to remind myself that I am not the one in control.

I have come to the realization that maybe right now, for this short time in my life, all I can do is consciously admit to myself that these few weeks are going to be a little crazy.

Okay, more than a little.

A lot crazy.

This past week has been simply insane and the three to come will probably be even more so.

I need to learn to laugh at all the ridiculousness and just go with it.

This month, my challenge is this:

persevere through the crazy

(and trust that no matter what happens, it will still turn out okay).

 It isn't going to feel easy.

For these next few weeks, I'm not going to be well rested.

There will surely be more spills and more mishaps because when your plate is full and you need things to go perfectly, they just don't.

 I am thankful for the grace of God, without which, this would all feel a lot more scary.

Luckily, my hope does not rest on whether or not everything turns out perfectly.

I cannot do everything.

I can try but I will fail.

However, I trust that it will still turn out okay.

(Or that even if it doesn't all turn out "okay", that will be alright too.)

At school, my days will be spent checking items off of checklists, emailing and meeting with parents, assessing and trying to fit in the last of the jam packed curriculum.
 I will be staying late to plan magical experiences for five and six year olds so that they leave feeling positive about school after their first year there.

My head will be spinning. 

I almost surely will not fit everything in.
Some days, (probably most), my lessons will not go as planned.
I trust that it will still be okay.

At home, I will be planning the Mother's Day brunch we are hosting after Henry's dedication, trying to survive the days and nights when Christian is traveling, packing for the 3 night trip that Henry and I are joining Christian on, (add sub plans to my school list), and attending those social gatherings that just pop up when spring hits.
I trust that even if Christian doesn't fix the tractor and our lawn is not mowed or the fence we thought we would quickly fix is still in shambles, our families will still enjoy brunch at our house on Mother's Day.

I realize that I will not finish re-decorating Henry's room this month.
(But I have been working on that for about 6 months, so what's one more?)

 I will not be leisurely having lunch with friends.

 I will not be planning my best friend's wedding, (yet).
I will not be re-painting any more rooms in our house.

I will not be DIYing anything- if I need it, I will be buying it pre-made.

And I will not be doing much blogging at all.

I can only do what I have to do and even some of that probably won't get done.

It's just for three more weeks.

(I have to keep telling myself that part.)

Then...

Summer.

And summer means more time for all of the things I love, including these guys...

...and baseball games, walks, naps, sewing, reading, writing, decorating, blogging, reading my bible in the bath before bed, seeing old friends, first birthday party planning, and trips to IKEA...


That's the kind of crazy I long for.

painter's remorse

This Saturday, Christian and I compulsively painted our kitchen.

We thought about it for...

oh...

probably thirty seconds.

Christian said, "I think we should paint the kitchen."

I said, "What color?" 

He said, "Same as the living room."

I said, "Hmmm..."

Our moms were there.

They said, "We'll take Henry."

We said, "Okay."

And that was pretty much that.

A few hours later, it was done and neither of us are too sure what we think.

 The blue was so familiar.

It was all we've ever known of the kitchen because it came with the house.

But it was a bit too country for our new, modern cabinet doors.

And we have been talking about re-painting ever since our kitchen re-model.

The new color is just very safe.

Maybe too safe?

It feels a bit sterile.

Boring.

I sort of miss the blue.

Ugh.

I'll just let the pictures speak. 

 

how to make a tie onesie

Materials:

onesie (or shirt) of your choice

fabric for the tie

HeatnBond LITE (iron-on fabric adhesive)

scissors

iron

(optional) tie template

sewing machine

thread of your choice

Step 1:

Lay the HeatnBond (paper-side-up) on the back side of the fabric and iron it for 2 seconds in each section.

Do not iron the HeatnBond for too long.

(I ironed for about 10 seconds once and it ruined the adhesive so that it didn't end up bonding at all.)

Step 2:

Draw a tie on the HeatnBond paper.

 (You can just free-hand draw the tie to the size and shape of your taste or you can download a template to trace.

There are a few different templates floating around out there in internet world).

I made my template(s) myself by drawing them free-hand on tag board.

I made the one with the separate knot so that I can buy smaller pieces of fabric.

(I guess that makes me cheap).

Step 3:

Cut it out.

Step 4: 

Peel the HeatnBond paper liner.

Step 5:

Position tie on shirt then iron (6 seconds).

Step 6:

Sew around the edges of the tie in the stitch of your choice.

This picture shows the settings I use on my sewing machine to create the thick embroidery stitch I usually use:
 

stitch setting: zig zag

tension: auto

stitch width: 5 (highest)

stitch length: 1.5 (actually the button hole setting)

I will warn that I commonly have issues with bunching, etc. on these settings.

It is so much easier to sew with a longer stitch length (more typical zig zag look) or a straight stitch but I like the thick embroidery look.

Step 7:

Put the shirt on the baby. :)

8 months

He won't do it in front of a camera (typical) so I have no video evidence but he has started clapping at everything.

He claps when he's happy and sometimes even when he's frustrated or hurt.

He also flails his arms around a lot.

This month's bassinet pictures were interesting.

This one has a daddy foot in it because getting this boy to lay down for a picture (or a diaper change) takes all hands on deck.

Standing is where it's at.

I knew this was coming when he pulled to standing for the first time during his 7 month photo shoot.

Now it's pretty much all he does.

His only purpose for crawling is to get to a place where he can stand.

He is just dying to walk, and is taking steps while holding on to things but I am hoping we still have a few months before the real walking starts.

This new standing stage has been a(nother) game changer.

It requires a whole new level of supervision and it has also affected his sleep.

We were FINALLY to a point where he was sleeping for 11 hour stretches without waking to nurse.

 That lasted about 3 days and the suddenly, he was waking 2-4 times per night again.

AHHHH!!!

Just when I was feeling hopeless, I got an email.

(I am subscribed to email updates through this great sleep site).

 That exact week, Nicole sent an email about why babies have sleep regressions.

She talked about how babies who are mastering a new milestone such as crawling, standing or walking are impulsively woken in the middle of the night with the desire to practice these skills- almost how an adult would have trouble sleeping when a huge life event is approaching, such as a wedding.

That compulsive practicing of a new skill made so much sense to me and definitely seemed to describe what he was doing.

He could spend hours standing in his crib it seems like, just talking and chewing on the railings.

The evidence:

Here's how I feel about his sleep at this point:

After many hours of research and reading, talking it over with other moms, and hearing opinions from strangers about how I need to do this or that to get him to sleep through the night, I have come to the conclusion that I am just going to accept Henry for who he is.

And who he is happens to be a baby who wakes to eat in the middle of the night.

I used to think, "What did I do wrong?  It seems like all of my friends' babies can sleep through the night, even much younger or smaller babies. He doesn't need to eat, he is just in the habit of waking."

That still might be true but I recently read an article about how sometimes the big babies are the ones who really can't make it through the night without eating.  

I didn't know what to believe but since I was scared he had just developed a sleep association to nursing, we tried "cry it out".

Of course, it doesn't work for Henry because he doesn't cry.

Instead, he fusses until he wakes himself up fully.

Then he plays.

He becomes wide awake, shrieks, laughs, throws things around in his crib, and now, stands up, crawls around and talks.

It's the same thing if he gets tired or hungry during the day.

He cries for a minute and when that doesn't work, he can play right through it.

We can tell by some of the fussy noises he makes but a stranger might never know.

One night, we vowed to let him figure it out on his own and he was up for THREE hours.

Not crying, just playing.

I came in and out of sleep, staring at the clock each time in disbelief and saying to Christian, "is this really happening?"

After three hours, I gave up and went in to feed him and he guzzled it down as if he was starving.

So, for now it is better for all of us if I just get up, walk into his room, pull him from his crib while he is still half asleep, nurse him and lay him back down to sleep before he wakes up fully.

That is a ten minute process, not a three hour process.

I am counting my blessings.

He is laid back, happy and smiling quite literally all the time.

He is so predictable and easy to read.

He is on a great schedule and takes two long naps (usually 1.5-2.5 hours each) every day and sometimes a third cat nap.

However, he does very well with changes of schedule or even lack of sleep too.

We have been told probably 100 times that we should either stop having kids or prepare ourselves because nobody gets this lucky twice.

So, if he wants to wake up and nurse once or twice in the middle of the night, I'll take it.

 I am going to hold him tight and enjoy those quiet moments which will inevitably one day end.

Yes, I am tired some days.

Miraculously though, most days I am not tired.

New this month:

calling for mommy, (but is sounds more like "ba ba")
 standing

clapping

carrying things in his mouth while crawling

scrunching his nose/whole face when you talk to him

snorting when he laughs

putting his hands in the air and cocking his head to the side as if to say "all done" or "pick me up please"

laughing while reading books

need for independence (especially while eating solid foods-he does not like to be spoon fed)

treating animals as if they are "cute" or "funny"

Here is what I mean by that last one:

While we were taking pictures, Jo-Jo walked in the room and when Henry saw him, he shrieked (while closing his eyes), reached for him and just cracked up laughing.

This went on for some time.

When he sees an animal, he persistently reaches for it and looks at me as if to say, "Mom, do you see that cute thing?  Isn't it so funny?"

Another new trick, which he has not fully mastered, (I am sure it will be big in the month to come) is climbing.

Here's how our photo shoot ended:

He reached for the bench, finally got hold of it, pulled himself and the bassinet up next to it and started climbing right out.

Okay then.

Here he is climbing the railings at our friends' house in South Carolina.

Our vacation was the most exciting thing we did this month.

I was so nervous about the beach but of course he absolutely loved it.

He got completely covered in sand and then tried to eat his toes.

We tried to prevent him from ingesting sand at first but eventually gave that up.

He loved crawling around in the sand and being on all fours, digging like a dog.

The water was the same story.

Loved it.

He crawled around in the water, splashed, tried to eat it and even took a couple waves to the face but came up laughing each time.

He is fearless, which can be a good thing and a bad thing.

One day, we decided to skip the mess of the beach and take him to the pool.

I learned that lounging poolside isn't quite as relaxing as it once was.

But I wouldn't trade it for the world.

We will always treasure those memories of his first trip to the beach and are so grateful that our friends, the Garveys, allowed us to stay in their beautiful Seabrook home with them for the week.

Stats:

(Approximate since we don't go to the doctor again til 9 months)
Height: 30"
Weight: 21 pounds
Clothing size: 18 months

Let's talk about his hair for a minute.

It's long.

It's curly.

I'm not sure what to do with it but I love it.

He still has that little swirl on the back on his head.

I hope it never leaves.

Easter

Henry's first Easter was pretty low key.

Church then a get together with family at my parents' house. 

Discovering his Easter basket

Finding snacks in his Easter eggs

Blowing bubbles with Grammy

Life at home:

In some ways I am loving his new found independence.

 He crawls to his toys and picks them out himself.

 If given free range of the house, he ends up in one of two places:

either playing in the cats' water dishes or in the bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror.

 

His balance is getting better and recently he is able to stand without actually pulling up.

He just braces himself against any surface, including this mirror.

He stands there, talking to himself and laughing.

Dear Henry,

Happy 8 month birthaversary, my love.

You are starting to remind me of a toddler and I am supposed to get 4 more months with a baby.

Please slow down.

Love,

Mommy

This month's video is all beach footage.

Enjoy!